That’d make an interesting “man-on-the-street” question, wouldn’t it? And you could follow it up with, “How about yours? Was he a ‘good dad’—by your definition?”
I’m guessing some might answer the first question with a reactive set of criteria. That is, their answer to the second question would be “no,” because their dad lacked the items on the list. They comprise the list as a reaction to what dad didn’t do or wasn’t like.
Some would likely offer a reflective set. They personally had a good dad, and their list reflects a number of things that in their mind made him “good.”
The question is, of course, prompted by the coming of Father’s Day—set aside to honor our dads. Easy for some. Others are ambivalent. And for far too many, it’s a day they wish didn’t exist.
I understand the difficulty.
I think of the dads in my own family tree. My dad tried…sometimes…I think. Mostly, it seems, he was uninvolved—except in matters of discipline, and that wasn’t done very well. His dad was a scoundrel, which likely explains a great deal. Don’t know much about his dad’s dad, other than conditions were so rotten at home that my grandfather ran away and lied about his age in order to join the army. If I recall correctly, his ruse was discovered when he was aboard a transport ship in the Pacific.
My mom’s dad was a pretty good guy overall, from what I know. Was a strict disciplinarian, mom reported, but she never questioned his love, and seems he was lovingly faithful to my grandmother ‘til death did them part. He was always good to us grandkids—not highly involved, but he did teach me how to throw a knuckleball (don’t ask me now how it’s done, though!).
Being a “good dad” is a pretty tough assignment, apparently. The family tree tells me that, as does the mirror.
And the Bible!
Have you ever noticed how few really good dads there are in the Bible?
Abraham made a royal hash of things by fathering Ishmael and eventually sending him and his mother (who wasn’t Abraham’s wife) out of the country, so to speak.
Isaac played favorites.
Jacob learned the vice from Isaac, which landed Joseph in Egyptian servitude.
David had the incident with Bathsheba, which had to have impacted the kids in some powerfully negative ways. And when it comes to his kids? Well, he winked at things he shouldn’t have (probably because of his own moral failure) and seemed to have a rather “hands-off” approach.
His son, Solomon, tried to have a positive moral influence on his sons. Much of Proverbs is addressed to them, and a recurring theme is “stay away from the foreign woman!” Problem is, by the time he shares the lessons with the boys, they’re certainly well aware of dad’s 1,000-woman harem.
Looks like a case of “Do as I say; not as I do!” And not too many young men have the maturity to process that well.
Things aren’t much better in the New Testament, either.
Actually, come to think of it, there are very few references to actual fathers! Apparently, they’re too preoccupied with everyday stuff to garner attention.
Take Zebedee, for example. First time we encounter him, he and his fisherman sons, James and John, are sitting by the lake mending nets. Jesus comes by, invites “them” (all 3 men or just James & John?) to follow Him. The sons heed the call, leaving nets and dad behind.
And Zebedee isn’t heard from again. Not even when the boys want a place of prominence in the kingdom. Zeb leaves the asking for the favor up to mom (cf. Matthew 20:20).
Granted, it’s an argument from almost silence, but it appears that Zebedee did what far too many dads do—leave the spiritual influence of the kids up to Mom.
In all the Bible, there’s one dad who stands out to me as particularly “good.” We don’t’ read much at all about what he did interacting with his children, but when we first meet him, his character shines forth, and that character would certainly impact his kids.
And his first child wasn’t even his!
I’m thinking about Joseph—as in Joseph and Mary. We read about him in Matthew 1:18-25. We don’t usually think much about the couple outside of the Christmas season, and not much about him then! Our attention is drawn more toward Mary and the baby Jesus.
But think about the kind of man he was.
While engaged to Mary, he learns she’s pregnant—and he had nothing to do with it! And she insists no other man did either!
Joseph doesn’t buy the story about an angelic visitation and a virgin conception, clearly. He’s determined to break off the engagement, but—and here’s where his character shines through—not in a public, humiliating, shaming way. He simply wants to privately break things off and send Mary away so she’s free to marry the real father.
Until the visit.
An angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph, affirmed what Mary told him, and instructed him to marry the girl and take on the responsibility of being a father to the child (expressed in Joseph’s role in naming the baby “Jesus”).
From that moment forward, Joseph carried out the dad duties in a stellar fashion.
We don’t read much about those child-rearing years. There’s the flight to Egypt, then back home eventually to Nazareth to carry on the carpentry trade. Other than that, the record of attending the annual Passover festival in Jerusalem and the incident of Jesus being left behind (Luke 2:41ff).
That’s about it.
But the effect of those years is summarized in a brief statement:
“Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.”
Now granted, Joseph had some truly unique material to work with—after all, the boy Jesus was God in the flesh! But it seems that Joseph fulfilled well the few simple but challenging duties of fatherhood:
“Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath [what NOT to do], but bring them up in the [1] training and [2] admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4; cf. Colossians 3:21)
(Ephesians 6:4; cf. Colossians 3:21)
There it is. Three simple statements to guide us dads toward being “good dads.”
Out of all the good things we can do as dads—teach our kids to throw a baseball…take them on fun vacations…make sure they get a good education & clothes to wear & food to eat & a roof over their heads…spend time with them…and so on—we need to avoid needless provocation, train them in the things of God, and admonish them to live accordingly.
All the other good things we do that come from a good heart of love will serve to reinforce the basic essentials.
God helps us to be good dads!
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