I had a good mom. A really good mom. So good, in fact, I didn’t know how good she was until years after I was out of the home with young adult kids of my own.
As I watched the kids and their moms at church last Sunday—Mother’s Day—it occurred to me how clueless children can be about the weight moms carry.
And I thought, “That’s a good mom.” That is, that their kids don’t know!
Mom kept us in the dark. Shielded us, really.
A stay-at-home mom with four children, she was always there, working tirelessly at the task of homemaker. In my earliest memories, mom was preparing a meal…hanging laundry on the clothesline…“darning” socks with a lightbulb…cleaning house…cleaning up after her kids….
When the radio announcer broke in on the regularly scheduled broadcast to announce that President Kennedy had been shot, she was standing at the ironing board pressing dad’s shirt.
I don’t ever remember hearing her complain about the workload. Ever.
She just
toiled on….
For most of her married life, mom was a pastor’s wife. Again, I had no idea the challenges the role entailed for her until I myself had been in the ministry, and my own wife endured a bunch of junk. Mom could totally relate. (And by the way, my wife is a mom on par with my mother! Kudos to her!!)
Those pastor’s-wife challenges started early for Mom—before I was born. As a young bride and assistant pastor’s wife, she experienced the inappropriate attention of her husband’s boss—the senior pastor. They soon relocated to another ministry.
A pastor’s wife, I discovered, is evaluated on several metrics.
Is her dress too flashy? Too immodest? Too plain? Too out-of-date? Too up-to-date?
Does she keep the children in line? Is she too harsh? Too lenient? Do they dress properly? Are they practically perfect little angels?
And what about her hair? And what can she do in the church?
I heard a skit one time that highlighted the ordeal of a pastor’s wife: “Henry and Doris Meet the New Preacher.” It’s really worth a listen:
In some congregations, a pastor’s wife simply cannot win. Mom lost quite a bit…quietly.
And mom was a wife who suffered in some unimaginable ways from a man who should have loved her, protected her, and been faithful to her. Should have been.
I don’t know how she endured it all in silence. But she did. For nearly forty years.
Twenty-two years ago, when everything finally came to light, I asked mom how she did it. Why did she wait so long to deal with the pain and agony she endured?
“I did it for you kids,” she said. “There was no way I could take care of four kids on my own, so I just swallowed a lot and carried on.”
As I said, I had a good mom.
The Ten Commandments are divided into two general sections. The first four concern our relationship with God. The final six, our relationship with man.
The first commandment in that second section is simply, “Honor your father and your mother….”
For far too many of my early years, Mom didn’t receive the honor due to her. Partly because I was an immature, insensitive, self-centered brat. Partly because I had no idea how honorable she really was. I reckon I can never make up the deficiency.
The more I’ve learned of all she went through in life as a homemaker…a pastor’s wife…a wife, the more my esteem has grown; the more I realize how worthy she was of far more honor, esteem, and respect than she ever received in this life.
Incredibly, it’s been five years since she went to heaven. I am confident that, upon her arrival, two things happened.
First, she was received with a grand welcome—as are all who are in Christ Jesus. The Apostle Peter writes:
Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
— 2 Peter 1:10–11 (ESV)
Second, she heard a word of commendation that she, in her humility, didn’t think she had coming to her—a word coming from her Master, Jesus:
Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.
– Matthew 25:21 (ESV)
For my part, there’s no re-do of my childhood under Mom’s care. I can’t go back and give her all the honor rightly due to her during those years.
But as long as I’m left here, I can certainly honor her memory.
Furthermore, I am grateful that we’ll have eternity together. Perhaps in that state of perfection, my fulfillment of that 5th commandment will also be perfected, and she’ll know all she’s come to mean to her children—all four of us.
How about your mom. Does she know?
