One of the things I wanted to do during the semi-isolationism of the COVID-19 pandemic was to watch the 1993 movie Gettysburg, based on Michael Shaara’s historical novel, The Killer Angels. I own the DVD, but the movie is a long one—about four hours—and viewed best in one sitting; consequently, years had gone by since I watched it.
As one might assume, the book/movie revolves around key individuals involved in the fateful, bloodiest battle of the Civil War. At movie’s end, the music plays through the epilogue detailing the eventual fate of the likes of Lee, Chamberlain, Longstreet, Stuart, and more—and plays on as the credits roll. The sensitive viewer sits in a state of sober grief, unable and unwilling to move. The impact, to me, is profound (incidentally, I highly recommend the soundtrack).
Michael Shaara’s son Jeff picked up the pen after Michaels untimely death at the age of 59 and completed a Civil War trilogy, with The Killer Angels being the centerpiece. In 1996, he completed Gods and Generals, which covers the years 1858-63 and closes with the Confederate and Union armies fatefully converging on the town of Gettysburg. The Last Full Measure, published in 2000, takes the reader from Gettysburg to the war’s end at Appomattox.
After the box-office success of Gettysburg, the plan was to bring the other two works to film. Gods and Generals made it to the silver screen in 2003. Again, at over three and a half hours, it was quite lengthy as modern films go. Unlike Gettysburg, though, it flopped terribly. Quite unfortunate because the producer was unwilling to risk further loss and scrapped the idea of turning The Last Full Measure into a movie.
Title Song
When Gods and Generals came out on DVD, I snatched a copy at a video store going out of business and couldn’t wait to watch it. I have to agree with the critics; it’s a bit tedious to sit through. But one highlight—to me, anyway—is the title song “Going Home,” written and performed by Mary Fahl. It was eventually featured in a video tribute to Civil War veterans from both sides of the divide. As she sings in her mellow alto voice, you envision the war-weary soldier trudging along, eager to return to the home he never wanted to leave, hoping his home still stands, that his wife and children are alive and waiting. Can you feel the longing in his soul?
They say there’s a place, where dreams have all gone
They never said where, but I think I know
Its miles through the night just over the dawn
On the road that will take me home__________________
I know in my bones, I’ve been here before
The ground feels the same, tho the land’s been torn
I’ve a long way to go, the stars tell me so
On this road that will take me home.__________________
Love waits for me round the bend
Leads me endlessly on
Surely sorrows shall find their end
And all our troubles will be gone
And I know what I’ve lost, and all that I won
When the road finally takes me home__________________
And when I pass by, don’t lead me astray
Don’t try and stop me, don’t stand in my way
I’m bound for the hills where cool waters flow
On this road that will take me home__________________
Love waits for me round the bend
Leads me endlessly on
Surely sorrows shall find their end
And all our troubles will be gone
And we’ll know what we’ve lost and all that we’ve won
When the road finally takes me home.__________________
I’m going home
— Lyrics by Mary Fahl
I’m going home
I’m going home
I suppose the song struck a chord with me at the time because it hadn’t been that long since we moved to the Midwest from Vermont. We had lived in the Green Mountain State for eight years. So much life happened in those years! It has taken a long, long time for me to feel “at home” anywhere else. Probably didn’t help that another song in the movie’s soundtrack was titled “Cross the Green Mountain.”
I had all but forgotten about “Going Home” until I came across a YouTube video of the song performed by Celtic Woman. As I listened again, refreshing the lyrics in my mind, I was struck with the universal longing expressed in those words. But more, it seems the longing cannot be fully satisfied in any place we call “home” in this world.
Longings Unfulfilled?
“Home” may be the place where “dreams have all gone,” but how many materialize? How many turn to nightmares? How many take shape in forms never conceived? How many fade into forgetfulness as time goes by? How many lie abandoned by the circumstances of life?
When, on the journey of life, “home” is left behind, can one ever really go back? Will it be the same? Will it still feel like home? The ground may feel the same, but the land’s been torn somehow. To quote another songwriter who left home for the sake of his career…
…nowadays I’m lost between two shores. L.A.’s fine, but it ain’t home; New York’s home, but it ain’t mine no more.
— Neil Diamond from “I Am, I Said”
Indeed, a soldier returning from war…a traveler returning from a business trip…a child returning from a semester at college — all have known the sense of being driven by the joy of reunion with a loved one at home. There’s a notion that the heartaches of loneliness or separation, of missing out on life, of troubles on both ends will melt away when the lover comes into view.
And what resolve! The overwhelming feeling that “home” will banish all troubles, that being once again in the presence of loved ones left behind will erase all heartaches, drives the weary pilgrim on. Let no enticement tempt him from his quest. Let nothing stand in his way. He’s going home!
And yet, for all the joy of most such reunions, reality soon sets in, doesn’t it? The love is there and welcomes the return. But lover and loved discover time—life—has changed both. Adjustments must be made—some easy, some not. Has absence made the heart grow fonder? Or has out of sight led to out of mind? Finally arriving home reveals the answer. Whatever the case, reality and imagination are rarely mirror images of one another.
Longings Fulfilled!
Though one might at this point feel quite depressed with it all, “Going Home” does express the Christian’s pining for home—although I’m sure Mary Fahl had no idea. Fahl is merely reflecting natural longings of the human soul, but they’re longings only fully satisfied in the gracious inheritance—the home—God promises His children.
About twenty-four hours before the crucifixion, Jesus offered genuine comfort to His disciples.
Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.
John 14:1-3
“Where I am” is the Christian’s home! And as the follower of Jesus trudges through the nighttime of this world along the many miles that will take him home, what waits for him round the bend?
Love.
And not the kind of love that could fade with time or be diminished by absence. But the constant, steady, unfailing love the Father lavishes on His children. An everlasting, eternal love. The kind of love He expressed toward Israel of old, when He said,
I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3
What awaits?
The joy of ended sorrows, of troubles fading into the recesses of forgotten memories. Twice in the closing book of the Bible (Revelation 7:17; 21:4) we’re told that those who reach heaven’s home somehow experience the hand of God wiping every tear from their eyes. What a tender touch! What powerful, compassionate obliteration!
What awaits?
We’ll know what we’ve lost and all that we’ve won…. Think of every disappointment, failure, loss, heartache, grief, frustration, aggravation, pain, dissipation, weakness, sickness. All will be lost forever.
… death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
Revelation 21:4
And what will be won? Besides the promised dwelling place in God’s house, Jesus adds,
To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.
Revelation 21:6-7
Words fail to communicate fully—and our finite, this-life mind fails to grasp completely—all that we will have won. But we will know it…“when the road finally takes me home.”
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