Late February, several years ago now, my bride and I went for a bike ride on an unusually warm day—well into the upper 50s. Well, that’s warm for February in northwest Illinois. The weather had been like that for several days, so all the snow and ice were gone, and the bike trail near our home was clear.
Or so I thought.
As we rode, we had to pass through an occasional small stream of water from the melting snow. Not a big deal, until I started through one such patch, not realizing that ice lay beneath the surface of the flowing stream. As soon as my tire hit the ice, my bike slid beneath me, I reached out to break the fall, and landed on my side.
Got up, brushed myself off, hopped back on the bike, and made a note not to charge through any more streams.
Within a few minutes, though, my arm just above the wrist started aching. By the time we reached the turn-around point, it was swelling. When we finished the ride, my arm and wrist were swollen and stiff.
Off to the ER to see if I broke something.
After some x-rays, the attending physician assured me nothing was broken, just a bad sprain. Gave me a brace to wear, prescribed ibuprofen for the pain, and sent me home.
More than a week later, I received a letter from the hospital, telling me I needed to call right away. They had apparently tried calling me (on our landline) and weren’t able to reach me. Upon further analysis of the x-ray, the letter said, I indeed had fractured my wrist and needed to follow up with an orthopedic doctor.
As it turns out, there was a fracture, but, the doctor said, it was such an insignificant one that it was hard to detect on the x-ray. Nevertheless, he casted it, and off I went for a few weeks of healing.
In my youth—maybe 6th grade—I broke my other wrist. Was running a relay race on a slick concrete floor, my feet slipped, and again I tried to break my fall so I would crush my skull or something. That one wasn’t a hairline fracture—more like a fissure!
Fortunately and thankfully, I’ve never suffered from a compound fracture, which is more like a chasm between two or more parts of a broken bone!
Because of a series of recent events and conversations, it struck me how many families are affected by fractures, fissures, or even chasms!
Not long ago, a friend shared that a chasm exists in his relationship with a sibling. There had been fractures and fissures through the years, but now the chasm is quite wide and will be healed only by the grace of God. The cause of the latest break is an all-too-common one. Money.
I was once riding home from a graveside service in the funeral director’s car, and that very subject came up in our conversation. He shared a story or two of families so deeply fractured, the chasm in the relationships so wide, that surviving family members fought about the arrangements and wouldn’t even talk to one another at all during the visitation or funeral. At all. Most of the time, he said, the root of it had to do with the estate—who got what, who got left out, who didn’t get what they wanted, what Mom promised me but so-and-so got it….
Money isn’t the only thing that fractures families.
Sometimes it’s jealousy. Real or perceived favoritism inevitably provokes the vice.
So, too, does more evident giftedness. One sibling gets better grades…another excels on the field or court…one is more outgoing and has more friends…another lands a more lucrative job…one is considered more physically attractive, easily gets the girl or guy…another battles with his weight.
Jealousy so easily leads to envy and downright hostility.
Besides such egregious vices, sometimes family fractures occur over differences of opinion or strongly held beliefs.
Take politics, for example. Some siblings won’t talk to each other or have anything to do with one another because one’s a “MAGA” and the other thinks Obama was the greatest thing since we won our independence from England.
Then there’s religion—and maybe not so much a specific doctrinal or theological issue. It seems these days, division over moral issues is more the norm.
Fractures and fissures that eventually open to gaping chasms.
It’s interesting to note how frequently the theme of fractured families shows up in the Bible. Have you noticed?
If you start at the beginning of the Bible, the first fracture occurs between Adam and Eve right after they ate the forbidden fruit! And the next episode records one brother (Cain) killing the other (Abel) in a fit of jealous rage.
Jealousy problems crop up frequently. Sometimes the cause is the corrupt practice of polygamy. Think, for example, of the relationship between Jacob’s two wives, Rachel and Leah. Or Elkanah’s wives Peninnah and Hannah.
Sometimes, as in the case of Joseph and his brothers, parental favoritism is the catalyst. Jacob, by the way, seems to have learned that parenting practice from his parents, Isaac and Rebekah!
There was a case in Jesus’s ministry where the issue of money had caused a rift between siblings. One came to Jesus, clearly miffed, a cried out, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me!” (Luke 12:13)
Gotta wonder about the back story to that one, don’t you? Actually, it’s played out all the time in our day. Just ask the funeral director next time you have a chance. Perhaps you yourself are a bit too familiar with the experience.
Anyway, the advice Jesus offered is sorely needed every time “the Will” is read and the estate settled.
After refusing to get involved in the dispute, Jesus warned,
“Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”
– Luke 12:15
Incidentally, I greatly respect my friend who recently told me of his sibling’s greedy actions. He didn’t get in a fight over it.
Covetousness, a kissing cousin to jealousy and envy, really is at the root of so many family fractures, fissures, and chasms. No wonder it’s the subject of the 10th Commandment!
Are fractures ever justifiable?
Of course, but not nearly as much as they happen.
Jesus warned that He Himself would become the reason for family division:
Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.
— Matthew 10:34-36
It’s not because Jesus incites jealousy, envy, or covetousness, though. The reason for the fractures is love—the whole-hearted, all-of-life-affecting love for Jesus by one member and the rejection of Jesus by another. Followers of Jesus, please catch this: you are not to be the instigator of hostility, expressing animosity, hatred, and the like toward a family member who doesn’t love your Savior. Express your supreme loyalty to Jesus, firmly stand on His Word, but avoid animus toward others!
That justifiable reason for fractures being noted, my concern lies elsewhere.
I’m grateful that when I fractured my wrists, I got the care needed to encourage proper healing. Without it, I would likely have limited mobility or chronic pain.
Likewise, my concern is that those in fractured families realize how short time is, how fleeting money and stuff is, and how valuable healthy relationships are for joyful living. Get some X-rays to find where the fracture is, then do whatever is necessary to encourage proper healing! May need to begin with swallowing some pride, saying “I’m sorry,” or simply taking the initiative to reach out. The needed healing is worth the effort.
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